It’s Harry Potter’s birthday y’all! For the life of me, I cannot understand why, as a grown adult, I am supposed to give any amount of a shit about that. Yet a handful of my very good friends are going to some big birthday bash in celebration of it tonight. They invited me, but said I’d have to go in costume. I declined.

Look, I loved The Goonies and The Lost Boys when I was younger. I’d totally turn up for a party for one of those. I’d do it once and laugh about it. But this Harry Potter stuff happens yearly and is overkill.

I’d much rather watch a bunch of fully grown men with big dicks and nice abs pumping cocks into each other, than reminisce about geeky little kids and magic wands. I am at an age where I want XXX, not PG13.

This big 51% off discount to Cocky Boys is going to end up costing a lot less while satisfying me a lot more, than some Hogwarts party. Given the choice between Quidditch or cock, I’ll choose cock every time.